Happy! That’s what God wants me to be
Now I know that love should be celebrated. I no longer regret for being who I am
Growing up in a society that treasures culture over individual happiness drained me into questioning my sexuality. I was feeling strange, the worst piece in society. My being different never gave me a place, in society, in my family, among my friends not even in the church. I couldn’t find myself, I wasn’t seeing myself, I was
not existing, I was permanently in fear of what may happen if I am discovered. The feeling of being surrounded by people but never known to whom to turn for advice, wondering who would remain near you after discovering your dirty secret, would kill me every day.
Rwanda is a beautiful country with such an amazing culture and Christianity as the main religion. I do personal love our culture in all aspects, but at the same time, I believe culture should make people feel valued and also I think religion should be a springboard to true happiness. Endlessly are the number I heard what great sin is to be gay for anyone who declares himself/herself Christian. However much I tried to be like others forcing my feelings towards girls, it didn’t work out. It took me years, a lot of strength and energy to realize that life can be something different.
At 21 years old now, I am convinced that life is beautiful when we learn to enjoy every step of our life. So often I heard in the church”God loves you the way you are” this has become my keyword. Even when I less deserve his love, I am still perfectly loved. I understood this after a long time of guilty and a feeling of unworthiness. The time I realized that unconditional love toward me, I chose to look at myself differently, I chose to see me as complete and to live the life worthy to be lived and most of all I chose to be happy of you I am. Now I know that love should be celebrated. I no longer regret who I am because I know God wants me to happy.