Gay by God. Proud by choice!

Text taken from “Gay AND Christian? Yes! It IS Possible! A Beginner’s Guide”

PRIDE in being gay is not something that comes naturally when we live in a world that tells us we are “evil” and “immoral”. For most of us it is first a road of self-awareness, and then of self-acceptance. We then need to take a further step to determine the consequences of our “Coming Out” to family, friends, and co-workers. For many the losses are not worth revealing the truth and so they remain closeted. This is understandable.

For those who are able to accept themselves for who they are and have risked the consequences of being “Out” there is deserved PRIDE in acknowledging the truth.

Although no “gay gene” has yet been found research does indicate that the gay brain is wired differently than the straight brain, but whether or not research confirms it, I know that God made me gay.

From as early an age as I can remember, I hated dresses and having my hair curled. I wanted to wear boy’s jeans with a fly and lots of big deep pockets instead of girl’s jeans with the zipper at the side. I wanted high cut runners, not tennis shoes, and my favourite piece of clothing was my brown hunter’s cap with the big peak and fur earflaps from Cousin Jimmy.

I suppose the fact that I went to an all-girls school and an all-girls camp each summer may have added to the environment aspect but I know now that I was gay long before I ever started school. I had simple crushes on my female teachers and when I was twelve I fell deeply, madly, excruciatingly in LOVE with my swimming counsellor at camp.

It was only when I started sharing with others how much in love I was that I found out that it was “unacceptable” to love another female. Well how ridiculous is that! Why Not? Who can dictate another’s feelings? How can ANY love, in the most innocent and pure sense of the word be “wrong”?

My mother kept saying it was “unhealthy”. I had no concept that she was referring to mental health and she couldn’t bring herself to explain it. I just couldn’t grasp what health had to do with loving someone.

I soon learned that it wasn’t wise to tell anyone about this “love that dares not speak its name”. It was a way to be very quickly ridiculed and ostracized. I learned that the word “lesbian” was so awful that a person just did not say it so how could my mother possibly explain it to me if she couldn’t say the word.

I was someone so awful that it couldn’t even be talked about! Well what does that do for a person’s self-esteem! So I learned to keep my secret — but something inside of me told me that I wasn’t a bad person for loving another female.

I just could not feel badly when this person gave me so much joy just by her mere presence around me. She was straight and it was like a big sister relationship to her but to me, she was the love of my life, and I just could not feel like it was wrong.

So after years of indoctrination by society and the church, insisting that I am an abomination to God and that I will spend eternity in the fires of hell, I have done the research to know with certainty that God loves me just as I am, with no need to change my orientation, and I celebrate my uniqueness by CHOOSING to be PROUD that God has created me gay.